Reason to Believe (White Lace) Read online

  “What happened to your promise?” I grinned and knew he knew I was loving this. Because I was. I was finally going to get my way.

  “My promise went out the window the moment that guy touched you.”

  “So what exactly does this mean?”

  His mouth traveled up my neck to my jaw, making its way toward my lips. “It means that every time you’re with a man, you’ll think of me.” His breath was hot and heavy on my neck. “Every time you touch yourself, you’ll see my face.” His finger found the bottom of my chin and he lifted my head until our eyes met. “It means that every time you come, you’ll scream my name.”

  Sweet Mary Jane. If he wasn’t already holding me up I was positive I would have collapsed into a hot, liquid mess.

  “I’m going to ruin you, Grace.” I still wasn’t used to hearing my name during an intimate encounter. I hoped I never was, because it felt damn good. “That’s what I do.”

  He could ruin me. He could devastate me all night long. Since at the end of the day I already knew everything he was telling me. Ben Lockwood wasn’t my happily ever after. His life was a casual mess of naked women and one-night stands, and while he may be trying to prove his worth in the office, how serious could he get working in porn? He was everything I should run from, but at the same time, everything that made me feel grounded.

  It wasn’t until just now that I’d realized I hadn’t reverted to Jade when John made an appearance. I didn’t have to, because Ben was there to remind me that Jade was my past and Grace was living and breathing in the moment.

  And that’s exactly who I wanted to be.

  One day I’ll find a man who will handle an encounter with my past as brilliantly as Ben had just done and still want to tip my chin and offer me his understanding. Until then, I was walking into this with my eyes wide open, hoping sex with a man determined to avoid commitment could bring me back to life.

  He took out his phone and typed into it. I saw the name Fridge at the top of the screen. He held out his hand. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  I had no words. I had no response to give him other than threading my fingers through his and following him anywhere he wanted to take me.

  We made our way through the party to the steel door that led to the back of the hotel. But we didn’t go outside. Instead, he crowded me beside the door, pressing me into the wall with his pelvis.

  This setting was more conducive to the dirty exchange we’d just had at the party. Dark. Intimidating. Full of sexual possibility. I could barely see his face—the light from the exit sign above the door cast a crimson shadow over his skin. But it didn’t diminish the hard line of his jaw, the soft edge of his nose. And it definitely didn’t do anything to mask the erection pressing against my stomach; hard, hot, and throbbing. Exactly how my nipples felt. And how it felt between my legs.

  My entire fucking body.

  Instead of more promises of getting me off, he swooped down and kissed me. Our lips mingled in perfect synchronization, and if I had my way I’d rip away his clothes right here and now.

  But he controlled the pace. He controlled the action. And I was in no mood to push his boundaries. Not tonight. Not when I was so close to getting what I wanted.

  Then his phone beeped in his pocket, and he pulled away quickly, ripping his mouth from mine, almost giving me whiplash in the process. He grabbed my hand, sending an electric sensation up my arm, straight to my chest, where it swirled and swayed then burst into a million tiny shivers.

  He guided me outside and down the alley, where Ryan Maddox was waiting for us at the next door. He was Max and Ben’s oldest friend and had been given the nickname Fridge in high school for the obvious reason that he was as wide and sturdy as a refrigerator.

  Despite being dark outside, the floodlights couldn’t hide the smirk that had spread across Ryan’s face as we approached. How Max had put a man with the mentality of a twelve-year-old as the head of hotel security was beyond me, but I was too dazed to care. Too on edge. My body buzzed with heat, an insatiable desire that I’d been battling for six lonely months.

  Ryan lifted his hand and flashed a red key card between two fingers. “It’s all ready for you.”

  I wasn’t sure how comfortable I was with Ryan knowing what we were about to do. But anyone at the party could have guessed where the night was headed for us. Ben grabbed the card with one hand, slapping the other on Ryan’s shoulder in appreciation.

  When I sidled past him, his eyebrows wiggled at me.

  We walked through the back of the hotel, past the public washrooms and the security office—the one section of the hotel that hadn’t been renovated, the walls still a boring taupe color. Quite the contrast to the battle of gray and blue that made up the new lobby.

  We rounded the corner and entered the elevator bank, the shaft to the left binged as soon as Ben touched the button. He pulled me inside, guiding me toward the back of the steel box. Mirrors surrounded us on all sides, and for the first time since we’d walked outside he let go of my hand.

  The last thing I noticed was him hitting the button for the penthouse, and then he was on me, over me, his hands wrapped around my neck.

  “Tell me…” He exhaled against my mouth, his breath a hot, heavy pant filling up the small space. “Tell me everything I do that he doesn’t.”

  He was still on the John topic. I thought we had left him at the party.

  If Ben wanted to be the only man I thought about, so be it. But in all honestly, he already was. Because sex with Ben was…That’s all I ever thought about, and with the determined look on his face and the animal magnetism emanating off his body, holy shit. I could only imagine what he was going to do to me. I felt like I would combust just thinking about it.

  “No one makes me feel the way you do.”

  I exhaled softly, more like sighed. Because I was breathless. That’s what he did to me. Always. I’d said these things so many times before. So many lies. All the things men wanted to hear. Needed to hear in order to get off and feel more powerful. Get their cocks hard. Whatever the reason. But I’d never meant it. Not once.

  Until now.

  Until Ben.

  Chapter 12

  Ben

  I opened the door to the suite with the shrill cricket sound of the keycard in the lock. I motioned Grace ahead of me, very aware of her body brushing against mine on her way in. When the door clicked shut behind us, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

  She wasted no time, walking directly to the bed. She turned and sat facing me, her palms spread out beside her as she watched her hands smooth over the white duvet.

  When she looked up, she whispered, “This is going to end badly, isn’t it?” There was an innocence in her eyes, a look I’d never seen before.

  I made my way to her, stopping just when my knees touched her legs. I wiped my hand across her forehead, pushing aside her auburn hair. “I can’t see it ending any other way.”

  We were going to crash and burn. It was inevitable. It was a guarantee. But there was nothing on this earth right now that could stop me from taking her in my arms. From taking what I wanted. Because the moment that asshole had touched her I’d wanted nothing more than to make her mine. To erase every memory. Every touch. Every visual she’d ever accumulated and replace them all with me. She was too beautiful, too perfect to be nagged by memories of a time when she’d had to do what was necessary to give herself the life she wanted. I admired that, more than anything I admired her drive to make her own future. It was something I’d never learned.

  But if I was honest, my overwhelming urge to claim her was less about erasing her past and more about stroking my own insecurities. I’d never known what it was like to be someone’s number one priority—the person they put above all others. I knew I was never going to find someone to love me in that way, so I’d settle for proving to Grace that when it came to sex, I wanted to be the only man she thought of.

  I grabbed her hand and
pulled her up, wasting zero time removing her clothing.

  The plunging back of her dress had me tied up in knots all evening. I traced my finger down her soft skin, letting it slip beneath the fabric at the V and tickled the top of her ass cheeks. Her hands did my dirty work and unzipped the side of her dress so I could slip it off. As the fabric fell away, she looked over her shoulder, her eyes catching mine, and for a moment I lost any sense of logic. I didn’t understand how I could be here, in this moment, with this beautiful woman. This woman who had helped me when I needed it the most. Who saw me, despite my vigorous attempts to hide my distrust. Tonight we had no sexual history. We were just Grace and Ben.

  That’s all we needed to be.

  She wasn’t wearing a bra and it didn’t take much to slide down her scrap of panties. She stepped out of her dress and I directed her to the bed. When she was spread out for my perusal, I kissed my way up her body, pressing my lips to her soft skin until we were face-to-face.

  I smashed my lips to hers and she met me with every thrust and stroke of tongue.

  “I need this, Ben. Please.” Her plea was a whisper against my mouth.

  She regarded me for a moment, her hands palming my cheeks as she looked deep into my eyes. Her stare penetrated right through me, and I feared she saw the worst—my insecurity.

  Every time she pleaded I couldn’t help but think about how many times she might have said it before. Because I knew she would have. Grace was a trained professional, and getting her rocks off with me wasn’t something she needed. It was something she wanted. Which should have made me feel good. Prideful. But I was just a penis. I knew she could go out and find a variety of others, probably had since we’d hooked up that night at White Lace. Probably would the moment we went our separate ways.

  But Grace was making me feel things, foreign thoughts infiltrating my brain, because for the first time, a part of me wanted to be needed. To be someone’s priority. To be the sun on a rainy day or the warmth in the cold. So despite my intentions to make my mark, I had to do it at a distance. I had to embrace the inevitable—at the first sign of something better, she would leave.

  I would do my best to remember that tonight, I was just a means to an end. And there was only one way I was going to survive sex with Grace Nolan. Only one way I could ensure that I kept my distance.

  “Turn over. On your stomach.”

  She hesitated. She wanted to protest. I saw the defiance in her eyes challenging me, but I knew the moment common sense won out. Her need for sex trumped any emotional attachment she might have been feeling. Her eyes softened and I thanked the universe that she had conceded.

  It was one thing to look Grace in the eye under the best of circumstances, but I wouldn’t be able to while I fucked her. I knew that much. I couldn’t risk those nonsensical thoughts somehow coming through in my eyes. Not when I knew that we were running full speed at a brick wall, with no intention of slowing down.

  While she settled, I took off my clothes, grabbing a condom from the bathroom and resting it on the bed. I prowled over her, resting both palms on the mattress on either side of her body. She was absolute perfection—smooth, curvy lines and flawless, porcelain skin. As she settled on the mattress, I unwrapped the condom and sheathed my erection.

  I shimmied my hand under her pelvis, urging her to lift her bottom so I could slide in. The moment I penetrated her hot, slick entrance, her arms shot up, grabbing the edge of the mattress.

  I started out slow, wanting to savor the feeling, commit it to memory just like I had the first time, because I had no idea if after tonight this would ever happen again.

  With every upstroke she moaned, her fingers turning white as she tightened her grip on the mattress. I leaned down, pressing my lips to her shoulder, then her neck, kissing my way up until she craned her neck and our lips found each other.

  “Harder,” she demanded. “I won’t break.”

  I knew that. For some reason, I hadn’t wanted this to be harsh, but the moment she began to tilt and meet my thrusts with a slap of her ass to my pelvis, something inside me broke.

  With my right hand holding myself up, I fisted my other in her hair, pulling her head up.

  “Yes,” she moaned. “Just like that.”

  Every thrust was like a mini orgasm ripped through my body, each one preparing me for the massive explosion that I knew was going to happen within minutes. If she kept squeezing her core like that, maybe seconds.

  I watched as she snuck her hand between her stomach and the mattress, lowering her fingers to her clit. Something inside me tightened, and not in the good orgasm way, something in my chest, a pressure like an elephant, had decided to take a load off. It killed me that she had to resort to touching herself in order to get off. I should be concentrating on her pleasure. I should be in control of giving her what she needed. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk getting too close. This was the only way I knew how to preserve my heart.

  My grip on her hair didn’t let up the entire time I thrust inside her. In fact, it became harder the closer I got to release. With a significant tug to her hair, I heard Grace moan and her body stiffened. I pulled again. This time she cried out, my name falling from her lips as her core fluttered and tightened around my dick as she came.

  The tightening of her pussy set me off. My orgasm sparked in my lower back, sending shock waves of pleasure in every direction. My head dropped forward and I inhaled deeply, my mouth finding her neck. I bit down just as my orgasm exploded, my body shuddering on top of hers.

  I pulled out slowly, my cock sensitive as I made my way to the bathroom to dispose of the condom.

  When I returned, Grace had cuddled up at the top of the bed. Normal etiquette would have me throwing her clothes at her and patting her ass on the way out the door. But I couldn’t do that with Grace. I didn’t want to do that.

  So instead, I slipped under the sheet and pulled it over our bodies while I settled against her back. She snuggled into me, her warm, damp skin gliding over mine. And when she sighed in satisfaction, I smiled. Snuggling deeper, closer, letting sleep take me away.

  —

  I woke up with the sun in my face, streaming in from the floor to ceiling windows. I hadn’t even bothered to pull down the blinds, so it was a good possibility we’d given someone a good show last night.

  Grace was warm and soft beside me, her delicate hand on my chest, her perfect leg swept across mine. Her breathing was steady, so I knew she was still sleeping as I stroked the top of her head.

  Last night, I’d had a massive revelation. I was a jealous fuck.

  I’d never been jealous before. I’d had sex with porn stars one minute, and the next they were in front of me on camera, screaming someone else’s name, sometimes more than one someone, and I didn’t give two shits. But just the thought of Grace with that guy, any guy, and I was pulling her to the closest hotel room.

  I’d taken her to the Cougar Suite. Or so Everly had dubbed it when she’d transformed Max’s old home into the quintessential bachelor pad. Fur rug. Fireplace. Large television. Circle bed and mini-fridge. Max kept it on standby for any of us to use. It was never rented out. As far as I knew, Ryan had been the only one to use it since Max had opened the doors to the hotel. But here we were, and I was watching her sleep, for fuck’s sake.

  I carefully untangled myself from her hold and slipped out of bed. She was so damn peaceful, like an angel napping on a white cloud. Her skin still pink and flushed. I remembered it warm and soft against mine.

  “You all right?”

  I stilled at the sound of her voice. At the way her soft timbre washed over my body, causing me to break into gooseflesh. My heart picked up speed and it didn’t take much for my cock to remember its place—with Grace—and stand at attention. Always at attention.

  “Sure. Just getting some water.” I went over to the small kitchenette, removed the paper cover on two glass tumblers, and filled them with water. I returned to the bed, handing her one. She took
it with a smile.

  She sat up on her elbow, watching me. “Monday is the speakers series.”

  I appreciated her keeping things normal. I appreciated her not dwelling on the fact we’d had sex last night. But she didn’t need to remind me of my obligation. I’d been dreading it since the day I had agreed to take Cory on as an intern.

  “Are you prepared?”

  I shrugged. “As prepared as I’ll ever be.”

  She had no idea how much her help meant to me. How much the simple fact that she’d made a promise and kept it meant to me.

  “I’m…” She settled deeper into the bed, as if hiding. “I’m not doing anything today if you want to practice.”

  I didn’t know what her normal schedule was. If I was honest, despite having just screwed her brains out, I still didn’t know all that much about Grace Nolan. But what I did know was, she was kind and generous, gentle yet fierce when she needed to be, smart and determined, loyal and dependable. Not to mention the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on.

  Now that the swag bags had been made and handed out and she’d imparted all of her wisdom, I figured there would be no reason for us to spend time together anymore. Which left a tightening in my chest that I couldn’t describe. Didn’t want to describe, for fear of the truth being something I couldn’t deny.

  “Do you want me to come with you to the college?”

  I was mid-sip when she asked and if I’d had water in my mouth I would have spit it out from shock. She was making another promise. One I didn’t know if I could trust her to keep.

  “Or I can just drop you off at the classroom, give you an embarrassing kiss, and leave you to play with your friends.”